Where Are They Now – Geoffrey Giraffe
If you were a child of the ‘80’s or ‘90’s there was no greater playground for your sugar fueled, cartoon flavored, childish consumerism than Toys R Us. A primary colored, plastic filled wonderland where any child could lose themselves in hours of imagination filled bliss and where, if you listened carefully, you could hear the exasperated sighs of overworked parents who were tired of their kids asking for shit that was clearly out of the family budget price range.
At this center of this childhood wonderland, this great bastion of excess was the guiding hand of the empire: Geoffrey Giraffe.
Sadly, as most things are these days, Toys R Us was consumed by the great capitalist demon: Private Equity. After a series of debt movements, failure to adapt to a landscape that was becoming dominated by the internet, and bonuses paid to executives, Toys R us was forced to close its doors in 2019.
While many lost their jobs, and new generations will never understand the thrill of going to a warehouse filled with nothing but all of your favorite things; there was one person lost in the media shuffle. Geoffrey the Giraffe.
After some intense research I managed to track him down to a trailer park in Biloxi, Mississippi where he agreed, with some caveats, to an interview. Over the course of a week we spent a lot of time together in varying places across his new home to understand the real story of the Toys R Us empire and where he sees himself in the world today.
Travis: First of all, thank you for agreeing to this.
Geoff: It’s fine. It’s about time someone told the story. You want a margarita?
He gets out of his oversized recliner and makes his way to the galley kitchen in this single wide trailer. For a man who was once on top of the toy world it looks like the way down was harder, faster and bumpier than expected. The blender grinds up the drink and Geoffrey takes a swig directly from a Cuervo Silver bottle. He returns to his recliner and passes me a frosty glass.
Travis: Do you prefer Geoffrey or Geoff?
Geoff: Geoff. Geoffrey was a young man with the world at his fingertips. Geoff lives in this fuck hole.
Travis: So … how…?
Geoff: How did I end up here, in a single wide trailer in the white trash riviera of the gulf coast?
Travis: Sure.
Geoff: Not yet buddy. This part of our relationship? We’re still doing the dance. We aren’t at deep 3am secrets yet.
Travis: Okay, fair enough I guess.
Geoff:You probably don’t know that Toys R Us started as a family business. Great Grampy G started the first store in Jersey in the early 1900’s. Double G’s Funtime Toy Emporium. Just one shop on Main Street with any fun thing that he ran across in his travels.
Geoff: It wasn’t until my grandad came back from the war.
Travis: Which war?
Geoff: The war – WWII – Granddad was too big for the infantry but he was great with signals and intelligence. When he came back Great Grampy G was ready to be done and Grandad wanted to expand.
He sips his margarita, using his elongated, black, giraffe tongue to lick the salt off the rim.
Geoff: That’s my favorite part. The salt.
He pauses for a moment to relish his drink and salt lick.
Geoff: So Grandad decides to expand to a few major markets in the tri-state area. Jersey, Long Island, Queens. He tried to push into Boston but at the time our kind was not welcome. Not. At. All.
Travis: You’re kind?
He gives me a look like I’m a fucking idiot. For a few minutes I had forgotten that I was talking to an anthropomorphized, nine foot tall, giraffe.
Travis: Right. Shit. Sorry. So how did you go from the East Coast to dominating the toy landscape of the United States?
Geoff: The ‘80’s man. By the ‘70’s Dad had taken over most of the operational stuff and GradDad was mostly a figurehead. We were in most major metropolitan cities. The family was doing well; but Dad wanted more. Double G’s Funtime Toy Emporium had morphed – as all stores do – into GG’s Toy Emporium. Like Sear’s and Roebucks, Kresge company. The name got mutated by the populace. By the time we hit the Reganomics ‘80s – where greed was good and the dollar was king – Dad was looking to bring in outside investors. A GG’s Toy Emporium in every state. In the bigger ones, like California, no town would be more than an hour away from happiness.
I was born in the late ‘60’s / early ‘70’s so by the time Dad brought in outside consultants I was just barely a grown up and allowed into business meetings. I was supposed to go to college but when you’ve got a family empire sitting right in front of you – what kind of sense does that make? So I sat in on a few of those early meetings with the consultants.
“What does the GG’s Toy Emporium mean to the American public?” The business consultant asked.
”Toys. Fun. Imagination,” My dad answered.
”No. You are more than that. Boil it down to the simplest thing you give to the world.”
”We are Toys.”
Geoff: And I remember this like it was burned in the forefront of my brain because, at the time it sounded like cocaine fueled nonsense.
”No,” the consultant said with the determination of those who have never been wrong, “Toys are US!”
Travis: You’re fucking with me.
Geoff: I wish I was. That is exactly how it went down and it took off like a rocket ship. After that you hit the Mattel, Bandai synergy of TV show to consumer collectible market. All the shit that you wish you had held on to when you were a kid – my god that shit made us GAJILLIONAIRES. We were unstoppable, until we weren’t.
To be continued in part two
